The Foundling Girl
by Cececat
Summary: Long before the mission to Earth, Magenta and Riff Raff work at the royal palace doing demeaningly simple work. Then one day they find an abandoned child and decide to raise her. This choice ends up changing their lives in more ways than they could've possibly imagined. (Please Read and Review!)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_. 'Sindarin' belongs to the late JRR Tolkien. **

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**A/N: A re-post of a older, deleted story. I want to know if I should restart it. So... please review if you want more!**

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It all began the day Riff Raff (a servant) found a small child wandering around in the palace gardens. The poor creature wore a tattered outfit made of a terribly gray cloth. She looked quite frightened. So frightened, in fact, that Riff pitied her.

"What do you want?" he asked sullenly.

Right now he was supposed to be trimming the garden's hedges, and didn't want to stop working. The Queen – Agneta Ming-Fel – would send her fiendish son Alfher Ming-Fel after Riff if his tasks weren't done in time. And Riff just wanted to go home to see his seamstress sister Magenta as soon as possible!

"Want help. Lost!" the child said softly.

"Where are your parents?" Riff asked.

"Gone away. Away forever."

Riff didn't know what to do. So, he just went back to work and hoped that the child would leave him alone.

That didn't _exactly_ go as planned.

She didn't really bother him any more. Instead, she just stared at him with those piercing green eyes of hers. Though that made Riff a bit uncomfortable he was glad she'd at least stopped talking.

Those eyes reminded him of the Queen's. Very… demanding. Like she could be in charge of everything. He supposed that the child's miserable life meant she needed to be responsible. For a child so young she sure acted mature.

Once he'd finished with the hedges, Riff packed up his gardening supplies. He'd already done all his other work at that point. So he began to walk home. That, of course, took a while.

 _Hopefully Magenta wouldn't be working by the time I get there_ , he thought to himself.

As Riff left his job, a certain young woman sat in her 'proper' bedroom thinking.

She wanted a child. Of course, that was impossible. They'd done that special surgery the day Queen Agneta picked out the poor woman's job and 'new' name. Now it was physically impossible for her to have a child. The Queen didn't want a bunch of half-noble bastards running around.

If only she hadn't been forced to work here! It wasn't just annoying, like the menial work her genius brother did. No… this job of hers hurt half the time, made everyone look down upon her, and forced her to be polite to the prince and –worse – Lord Dominus De Lordy. Nobody was a 'seamstress' (as the upper class calls such women) by choice.

At least it paid her late father's debts.

Suddenly, she heard a knocking at the door. At first this worried her. Customers rarely showed up in the evening, for some reason.

Then she heard the lovely sound of her brother shout: "I'm home!"

That brought a wonderful grin to her face. _Riff_ never did anything to her that hurt. Of course, he sometimes did do her. But only when she wanted to, obviously. The one upside to be unable to bear children was that she couldn't accidentally have an inbred baby. Inbreeding was dangerous and could cause dreadful birth defects. She couldn't bear the idea of something as sad as a sick child…

Riff Raff walked into her room, looking rather grim. This wasn't too odd. Ever since they'd begun work here he'd been rather unhappy. His auburn hair had turned a stark grayish color and become rather stringy. Odd things like that often happened to a Transylvanian under stress. They were a very emotional species.

"Did something happen at work?" Magenta asked him.

"This random child started following me around saying that she's lost. Apparently she so lost that she just had to follow me home," he replied darkly.

"Where is she?"

That's when the child entered the room. Right away, Magenta pitied her. The poor thing wore rags and had an air of sorrow about it. Almost as if someone had wanted her to be pitied and dressed her just so that

"Who are you?" Magenta asked.

"I'm lost," the child replied. "Mama is dead."

"Who was she?"

"Palace servant girl. She gave me the letter and the necklace as she died," the child explained.

"What's your name?" Riff asked, before his sister could ask about the letter and the necklace.

"Gwenn."

This surprised the _both_ of them. 'Gwenn' meant 'girl' in an out-of-date language, known as Sindarin, used in formal documents and such. Usually only the upper class spoke it. Since they'd once been middle class merchants who'd catered to the upper class, Magenta and Riff knew a bit of that language.

Who'd be cruel enough to name a child 'girl'?

"Show me that letter, Gwenn," Magenta said.

And so, she did.

Magenta quickly tore open the envelope. At that point her brother – who thought the whole affair to be rather silly – left the room to begin cooking dinner.

The letter read, in Sindarin:

 _To the Person(s) who found Gwenn:_

 _My name is Lena. I am – well, I was – lady in waiting to a noblewoman of the court for many years. Her husband and I had an affair, of which this child is the result. Long story short: I'm very sick at the time of this writing and this child needs a place to stay. Her name is Estella, though she answers to 'Gwenn'. By the time you read this I'll be dead._

 _Please care for Gwenn._

"How dreary," Magenta muttered.

Though it all seemed like something out of a cliché-ridden novel, she couldn't help but pity the girl just enough to let her stay there. It wouldn't do for the child to wander around alone like this. And Mags really did want a daughter.

What a coincidence! Too much of a coincidence, in fact, but nobody noticed this.

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Over the next few days Gwenn began a more and more familiar with her new life. Meanwhile, Riff and Mags were getting used to her presence. Most days Riff took her to work and she helped out here and there. Nobody really noticed the extra helper since nobody really noticed servants in the first place.

After work they'd return to the apartment. They technically lived in the palace, since the entire capital city was within the palace walls. Of course, they lived in an apartment in the servant's quarters. If one of Magenta's 'clients' was around they'd wait in the living room for a while. Despite being no older than six, Gwenn seemed to understand what was going on.

Magenta began to suspect that the girl's mother had been one of the less lucky seamstresses who hung around spaceports waiting for lonely spacepilots. How else would she be so nonchalant about it all?

As the years went by, of course, Gwenn seemed to have forgotten life before the flat in the palace where she lived with Magenta and Riff Raff. She called the former 'Mama' and the latter 'Papa'. Though such nicknames didn't really make sense to Riff, he put up with it.

Anyway, he liked teaching Gwenn. The older she got, the more curious she got. And, before they'd gone into debt, Riff was a star student in his school. So he kept his cleverness in practice by explaining various scientific theories and complex mathematics to the girl. He wasn't sure how much she actually understood, of course. At least it gave him something to think about when doing mindless work.

On evenings when she wasn't 'working', Magenta taught Gwenn how to read in both the everyday language and Sindarin.

By the time she was 12, the child knew more than most children her age. This wasn't a bad thing, though. Gwenn liked learning. And she often snuck books out of the palace's impressive library when they were dusting there.

One day, she found a book so interesting that she didn't really bother to hide while reading it. She just stood there mesmerized. It happened to be a fantastical story – in Sindarin – about an adventurer.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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Riff wasn't sure what to do. At least the prince didn't appear to be angry…

Yet how could the girl be so stupid? Apparently she had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to talk to strangers unless they'd spoken first.

Ah! _That_ was it. They must've realized that she didn't belong and said something to her. No doubt the child

Scowling, Riff made his way to where the prince, his governess, and Gwenn stood apparently chatting amiably. He walked very slowly and acted as if this was what he usually did.

The first person to notice him in the shadows was, of course, the governess. People who teach troublesome students usually can spot anything out of the ordinary. And a servant hiding in the shadows wasn't ordinary.

"What are you doing there?" the governess asked, now quite annoyed

"Looking for that girl, ma'am," Riff replied.

"Papa!" Gwenn said happily.

"Ew, you're her dad? You can't be much more than a few years older th–"

"Be polite, Felix. What would your mother say?"

"Go away?" the prince suggested.

"No! She'd say that a good leader is kind to all his people and must respect even the lowliest of commoners," the governess replied darkly.

Riff cleared his throat. "So, can my daughter and I leave?"

Even after all those years, he'd never before actually called her his daughter. Of course her 'mother' Magenta had. The only person he'd cared about before was Magenta – or so he thought. But now he realized that, under pressure, he cared for Gwenn and would do stupid things to help her.

Or did he just know that his beloved sister cared for the girl and just looked after Gwenn because Magenta did?

Of course, this wasn't the time to mentally debate such things. The prince now seemed quite annoyed. Though he didn't really have any power then, he could probably complain to his mother. That wouldn't be good.

"What I want to know is why she was reading that book! Why a worthless servant like her could read, more like," Prince Felix fumed.

"Don't be silly, Felix. It's no crime for children to learn. It' a good thing," the governess said darkly.

"Yes, but this library isn't for servants!" Felix replied.

As they debated this, Riff and Gwenn managed to sneak away. They went back to the apartment. Even though he still had work to do.

"I'm sorry, Papa," Gwenn said, the moment they'd sat down in the apartment's small kitchen.

"There's nothing that could've been done. We shouldn't have let you keep borrowing books… something was bound to happen," Riff muttered.

He looked awfully tired, Gwenn realized.

"I'm 12, Papa. I should at least take some responsibility for what's happened. I was the one reading," his daughter replied.

"Reading isn't a crime. But abandoning your work halfway through the day is," Riff replied darkly.

"Papa…"

"What's going on?"

That's when they noticed Magenta standing by the room's door. She wore her tattered blue dressing gown and an expression of worry.

"Did something happen?" she asked, walking toward her brother.

"No," Riff said darkly.

"Really?"

"Well… the Prince himself caught Gwenn reading in the library. And, at around the same time, I left my job without a real reason. I thought I'd lost her, and I know you wouldn't want me losing track of her."

Then, to everyone else's surprise, Magenta suddenly burst out laughing.

"Ha! You act like all this is some great tragedy. No harm was done."

"That's right. No harm was done," Riff repeated, mostly just to reassure himself.

"How was your day, Mama?" Gwenn asked without thinking.

Magenta grimaced, then turned away from the others.

"Don't ask questions like that, Gwenn. I don't want you to know."

Then she left the room. Riff soon followed her, leaving Gwenn alone.

The girl sat down on the floor and tried to remember the story she'd been reading. Of course, she hadn't even gotten very far in the first place. That book happened to be very long.

It had trolls, though. Trolls that turned into stone statues when the sunlight hit them. Gwenn half wished that she could turn the prince into a statue so he wouldn't hurt Mama or Papa.

The next day, Riff didn't go to work. They'd surely noticed his absence for nearly half of the previous day. It wouldn't be good to go right back into work, then, since he'd probably be arrested.

So, he stayed at home that day. Such a thing hadn't ever happened before.

He always went to work and Gwenn always went with him. Any other schedule didn't make sense. Now, they stayed home all the time.

At least he knew the depths of his sister's hardships now. Not that that was actually a good thing…

He hit a rude client over the head with a glass bottle on the second day. That was a first.

"You shouldn't done that," Mags told him. "Not only will it get you into trouble, it's also setting a bad example for Gwenn."

"I'm already in trouble."

She sighed. "Yes, but that only made matters worse. I love you and I don't want something to happen to you! Don't you understand?"

"Don't _you_ understand? Now that I've broken one rule I want to destroy everything. We need to escape, don't you see? We'll never pay off the debts like this," he replied unhappily.

"Please don't cause anymore trouble!" his sister cried.

Then, he stormed out of the room. Neither of them wanted to even think about it all any more. If he didn't fear being a bad role model for Gwenn, Riff would've taken up drinking.

Even Gwenn was a bit scared now. She'd never seen Mama and Papa argue. And she had to hide whenever one of Mama's clients showed up.

For a few weeks this went on.

Then, one day, a young man in a sharp uniform appeared at the door. He clearly wasn't one of Magenta's clients. He claimed to be a messenger sent by the queen. For some reason, he only wanted to speak to Riff.

That worried _everyone_.

As soon as the messenger left, Riff Raff turned to face his sister and daughter.

"We've been summoned to an audience before Queen herself," he told them.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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Nobody knew what to say to _that_ … at first.

Finally, Magenta spoke. "So the Prince told his mother what happened and we're going to be executed?"

"No! I'll do anything I can to keep you safe, my love. And, for that matter, keep our daughter out of trouble," Riff Raff promised.

"We can't try to escape, though," Mags pointed out. "That'll just make everything worse."

Though the idea of an audience before the Queen made Riff uncomfortable, he knew she was right. And they couldn't execute a child and a mother… could they? He began to worry that they could execute at least Magenta, because she wasn't really Gwenn's mother and therefore it wouldn't be cruel in the eye of Transsexual Transylvania's law.

Could there lives get any worse?

"When do we go to see the Queen?" Mags asked.

"According to that messenger, right now."

Magenta took a deep breath. "Gwenn, put on your best dress. We'll leave as soon as we're dressed in our nicest clothes. We don't want to look bad in front of the queen."

The girl nodded and then went to her small room in search of something nicer than her usual clothes. That didn't take long, since her wardrobe was so limited.

Soon enough, she'd changed into a respectable dress she (usually) only wore to the palace's Yuletide celebration, on the holiday servants didn't have to work. It was made of fabric patterned with blue and white checkers. With it she wore her usual boots.

Her mother put on a dark green dress with a higher neckline than her usual clothes. It complimented her green eyes and made her bright red hair look more vibrant than usual. After washing off her makeup, she put much of it back on. The sight of her face without makeup was too strange.

And so the were ready.

The three servants were silent as the walked towards the Queen's main reception room. All were too nervous to say anything too each other. And the adults didn't want to accidentally make poor Gwenn any more frightened that she already was by saying something.

Soon enough, they made it to the waiting area outside the reception room. A few guards stood nearby looking bored. Then, one noticed the three servants standing nearby and walked over to them.

"Riff Raff, Magenta, and Gwenn?" the guard asked.

"Yes," Riff replied.

"Go on in now. They've been waiting for you."

The guard opened the looming door and they entered. Apparently the guard was required to go with them. This only made everyone even more fearful.

The Queen herself lounged on a gilded chair. She currently wore an outfit of ridiculous decadence. An impractical satin skirt that was hardly knee-length in the front but trailed in the back… a corset top adorned with peals and embroidered with thread of real gold… jewel-encrusted heels no practical person would or could walk in…

The very _model_ of a hedonistic aristocrat living in the most lavish court. The sort of person who didn't care who suffered as long as she had fun.

Of course, Queen Dulcibella wasn't that bad.

No, many previous monarchs were worse. She wasn't as violent as some and she really did mean well sometimes.

And everyone knew her son would be much worse, so they tried to enjoy this niceness while it lasted. Virtually everyone in the planet-wide kingdom hoped he wouldn't poison her or something.

"My son told me that he found that child reading a relatively advanced work of fiction in the library. A library reserved for nobles," the Queen said. "Is this true?"

"Yes, your highness," Riff replied.

Queen Dulcibella smiled strangely. "His governess told me that you've been attempting to teach this child quantum physics and advanced mathematics."

Magenta blushed. Had he really been doing that?

"Well, I sometimes lecture her in it. She doesn't really understand it all."

"Hmm. Neither does the governess, I must say. Where did a servant learn such things?" the Queen asked.

"My father was a relatively wealthy merchant who sent me to a school for people very good at math and sciences. I was the best in my class… but then we went into debt when business wasn't going well and they had to take me out of school to pay off the debts. Of course, he died and then my sister and I became servants here as a way off paying off the taxes money he owed," Riff Raff explained.

The Queen smiled. "Really? How much do you remember of your schoolwork?"

"Quite a bit. I was actually best at biology and stuff, but I needed to draw diagrams for that. If I may be so bold to ask… why are you questioning me about this?"

"Because the governess needs somebody to help teach my son science. She's great at literary arts, history, and most other classes. But she's never been that good at sciences. If you can sort of teach a small child about advanced science surely you can teach my son! Will you take the job?"

"Yes, your highness," Riff said, bowing.

"Good! You seem like a nice person, and I'd be forced to execute you if you didn't agree."

Since her expression remained cheerful throughout that dismal proclamation, all three servants began to worry about her sanity. Sane people didn't act like executing relatively innocent people wasn't a big deal… did they?

"What's your wife's job?" the Queen asked, after a moment.

"I'm actually his sister, m'lady. And I'm… a seamstress."

Queen Dulcibella's eyes widened. " _Oh_. Then where did that child come from?"

"Adopted her, your highness," Riff explained.

"She's the daughter of a now-dead friend," Mags added.

"Oh. That's very kind of you, taking care of her like that. Well, then… Riff Raff shall be my son's new tutor and you shall be his maid. You know, the person who cleans up his rooms? I'll give you a new apartment near my son's quarters, too. And they'll be nicer than you're old room," the Queen explained.

"And the, er, child?" Riff asked.

"You may continue her homeschooling as long as you finish your assigned work. Why should I care what you do, as long as it's not in my way?"

And so, it seemed like things were looking up for the family. Of course, they didn't really know how bratty the prince could be yet.

But _anything_ was better than being a seamstress.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

 **A/N: Here we've got a bit of a time skip... and they're going to Earth now. There's also a few references to _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ in this chapter. **

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Their new jobs weren't as easy as one might think. Though Magenta wasn't actually a seamstress anymore, that didn't stop Prince Felix from saying a variety of demeaning things to her as she dusted. Most of it seemed to involve all the things he could do to her without his mother finding out. One of the upsides to living in a palace was how easily one could get away with unpleasant things. All it really took was planning at the assurance that none of your partners in crime snitched.

And, of course, both Magenta and her brother would report anything serious. Queen Dulcibella was much saner than most and knew that her son was _less_ stable than most people. So she'd surely stop him from doing anything too terrible if needed.

Prince Felix probably knew this on some level, since his harassment never went past vague threats.

Though he didn't have to deal with that sort of abuse, Riff Raff wasn't too well off either. Half of the things he taught didn't seem to make a lasting impression on Prince Felix. The foolish boy didn't even appear to understand the material. Riff couldn't bring himself to respect someone who didn't respect knowledge. But it wasn't a good idea to be rude to a Prince - even a very bratty one.

Gwenn was luckiest. She never got into much trouble. Of course, that's because she didn't really have a job and therefore rarely left the servants quarters. Sometimes she felt bad for her parents. Anyway, she was a bit too young to really understand things.

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On and on this went for three or so years.

Then, a few weeks before Felix's 30th birthday, she summoned all four of them to her reception room.

"What's going on, Mother?" the prince asked.

"As a bit of a treat, for your birthday, I've decided to send you and your servants to this far-away planet called Terra," Queen Dulcibella explained.

Suddenly, Prince Felix narrowed his eyes. "There's a catch, isn't there?"

"Sort of. I won't be allowing you to return until you've conquered that planet. A good leader must be able to conquer a lesser species."

Riff quickly realized what she was doing. Everyone except the prince himself knew that he wouldn't be able to conquer the planet. That would keep him out of her way for a very long time without causing any sort of scandal or suspicion.

"Hmm. And I'll be taking my servants with me?" Prince Felix asked.

"Indeed. You'll need them, I should think, since I'm giving you a castle ship," the queen explained.

At that, Riff's eyes widened. A castle ship was _the_ most expensive sort of starship. Not only was it a full-furnished mansion on the outside, it looked like an old-fashioned castle on the outside. Because of it's pricy interior décor and many gadgets hidden here or there it was insanely expensive. Only about three ever existed at a time.

And the Queen was giving one to her irresponsible brat of a son.

"When do we leave?" Felix asked.

"This evening. It was a surprise for you. Since we've already set everything up, all you need to do is get on the ship this evening," his mother explained.

Smiling madly to himself, Felix left the room. One-by-one, his three servants left.

"Wait! Riff!" Queen Dulcibella called, as he began to leave the room.

Riff turned around. "Yes?"

"I'd better give you some notes on the planet. Though my son is mentally unstable and a dangerous person to be around most of the time, he's still my son. I suppose we evolved to love our offspring no matter how vile they happen to be. The point is… I want him to at least survive for a while. I know he doesn't have the patience to conquer even a small country. So, as I'm sure you've guessed, I'm sending him there to keep him out of trouble. I need you to keep an eye on him. I'll give you some notes on the planet, as I've said, which include a variety of things on this planet's popular culture. There's also a few samples to keep him entertained. So... will you try your best to keep him out of trouble and entertained?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

This Queen smiled kindly. "It's good that some people around here are sane!"

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Later that evening, the three servants and their prince had boarded the ship. Only the queen and a few nobles had gone to see them off.

"Klaatu Barada Nikto, Mother!" Felix shouted out the control room window.

Castle ships don't really have a bridge. A few of the spiral towers often serve that purpose. And the control room isn't at the bottom like a normal starship. Instead, it's on the second floor. That's mainly because strangers aren't very likely to see the second floor, and therefore they won't realize it's a spaceship if they aren't supposed to.

Then, Riff slammed it in his face. "Do you want to die when we break through the atmosphere?"

"Not _really_."

"Well, then get your head inside."

Though he knew it didn't really work like that, Felix didn't. That's one thing a clever scientist holds over a stupid Prince: knowledge of how things work. A Prince might think that sound existed in space after watching Star Wars. A scientist knows that George Lucas Was Wrong. Wronger than Freud, in fact. Of course, they were wrong about different things...

Anyway, Lucas didn't ruin speculative fiction via _Star Wars_ until 1977. Thankfully, they'd be going to Terra in 1972. And even a Police Box or a DeLorean couldn't send them to another era. Time travel doesn't really work, Mr. Baker, even if you've got a special scarf. So they traveled through space with the help of a special device called an infinite improbability drive. Top of the line, that. Ford, stop turning into a penguin! Things went all funny as they went from place to place. Bits of them kept passing out. What's it like to be drunk? Ask a gin and tonic. Where a ze nuclear wessels? Commie!

As the traveled through space they went from one thing to another. It was all quite odd.

Finally, they stopped.

As furniture.

Felix, Riff, and Mags had turned into sofas. Perfect for hiding behind when watching BBC sci-fi shows! Gwenn, on the other hand, became a small armchair.

Then, _very_ suddenly, they all went back to being their normal selves.

"What in all the hells just happened?" Felix shrieked.

"We just teleported from our planet to Terra," Riff replied.

"Ugh, that was awful," Magenta muttered.

"Where are we?" Gwenn whispered to her Mama.

"On the planet Terra. In the country called the United States of America. In the state of Ohio. Just outside the town of Denton," Riff explained darkly.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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The first few days they spent just getting used to things.

Only moments after they'd landed on the planet, they discovered something quite shocking. The planet's sun shone where everyone could see. That didn't seem right at all…

"Why is the sky so bright?" Felix asked his poor science teacher. "It hurts my eyes! _My_ planet doesn't have this problem."

"Sir, remember what I told you? Every planet has a sun to revolve around. We just live on the side of our planet that doesn't get any sunlight. The light of our sun reflects from the three moons. If we didn't have a sun to revolve around we wouldn't have moonlight," Riff explained with patience Felix didn't deserve.

Mentally, he wondered how Felix made it past primary school level classes. The Queen was right, sending such an incompetent future ruler to a far-away planet before he was old enough to have any power.

The four of them silently stood there, in the control room, for a while.

Finally, Riff spoke.

"Your mother told me that you won' be going by your real name here. She told me that you'll go by the alias 'Frank. N. ' – at least, you will at first."

That wasn't completely true. In her notes the Queen said that he needed an alias of some kind that 'sounded like something from Terra'. Riff decided to use those exact words to play a trick on Prince Felix. The word that awfully punny name made was from Terra. So, therefore, he was doing as told.

"That's an interesting name," Felix said, after a moment. "You _servants_ must still call me Master, obviously. But to other I'll be known as with Frank N. or Frank."

Then, he left the room. That's when Riff began to laugh almost hysterically.

"What's so funny, dear?" Magenta asked.

"I'll explain later," Riff said, after he'd calmed down. "Right now, let's just get settled into the servants quarters."

And so… they spent the rest of that day getting used to their new home. Mags and Riff got separate rooms, but planned share one anyway. Gwenn even got a nice little room to herself next to Magenta's. When they realized that, it was decided that Mags and Riff would sleep in the latter's room. For once they didn't want to be too near their daughter. On this primitive planet they'd be able to take their taboo relationship to another level.

Anyway, Gwenn was old enough to look after herself.

Nobody really bothered to ask about what the Master was doing at that point. It was generally agreed that he was too stupid to be able to cause much trouble.

(DAY 2 – reading through notes on planet/Gwenn goes outside and looks around)

The next day, they decided to read through the notes Queen Dulcibella gave Riff.

Everyone – even Gwenn – gathered in the dining room. Before then, Riff hadn't actually opened up the box with all the notes in it.

After quickly reading through everything, Riff began to tell the others about it all.

At that point in time, Riff had outsmarted Frank so many times in so many ways that Frank saw him almost as an equal. Queen Dulcibella liked Riff and his sister quite a bit, too. Though they weren't friends, they tolerated each other.

And, now that they lived on this strange planet, they needed to work together.

"How do we talk to these Terrans?" Frank asked.

"I'm supposed to be planting a probe in your head that helps you understand and speak any language you come in contact here," Riff explained.

Frank crinkled his nose is disgust. "That's awful. How do I know you wont mess something up in my brain?"

"I'm certified with the palace's medical department. And you aren't 30, so you can't do anything to stop me. And your mother is the one who ordered me to, anyway."

"Speaking of medical stuff, what about any illnesses we might catch?" Mags asked.

"There aren't any sicknesses we can catch here. Mother didn't send me to the court doctor, and I know she would if I had to get any sort of shot," Frank said.

Riff sighed wearily. "That's because we don't know everything about this planet's environment. It's not healthy to get too many shots you don't need, anyway. And we don't even know which diseases exist here or don't exist here.

"Thankfully, Terrans seem to be very close to us biologically. They've got iron-based blood like us, and their internal organs are in the same basic places – according to scientists who've studied this place, at least. So we might even be the exact same species. That means a lot of sicknesses will be similar and therefore we'll be able to treat most minor stuff.

"These notes say that certain parts of the world have different illnesses. Here, in the country we've landed in, we'll only need shots for influenza and a few other things. Though, then again, that information might be out of date or just plain inaccurate. And our scientists haven't been researching here long enough to know certain things. Hopefully we can figure everything out."

After that speech of sorts, Frank began to clap. As if he'd been watching a show or something! This really annoyed Magenta. That monster of a man behaved as if everything Riff said was a joke… a game…

A moment later, Frank asked a rather pointless question: "What do Terrans do for fun?"

"A variety of activities. Pretty similar to us, I think," Riff replied. "They got this thing called the movies that's basically our HoloShows… except a lot less interactive."

"Would you like to go watch a film now?" Magenta asked.

"Maybe…" Frank replied thoughtfully.

Riff was glad his sister thought of that. If they sent Frank into the other room to watch something he'd stay away and not ask stupid questions. Then they'd be able to

"There's a film called _King Kong_ that you might like," Magenta said dully.

"Really?"

And so, they sent him into another room to watch _King Kong_. Little did they know what trouble _that_ would later cause…

* * *

As the days went by Frank kept going on and on about someone called Fay Wray. Apparently she was very stylish and he wanted to dress like her. Nobody else really knew what to say to that. For one thing, none of them owned clothes that looked like Fay Wray's. And they weren't going to go shopping then.

No, they were too busy doing serious things.

Gwenn, of all people, slowly began to feel bad for Frank. Since she didn't know how awful he'd been to her parents, she didn't hate him or anything. Quite the contrary! She saw him as a harmless-but-bratty child.

So she devised a plan to help him go shopping. They'd all been stuck inside for so long anyway.

Papa already implanted the translator probes into everyone's brains. He'd done that on day one, just in case somebody showed up at the door. So now they all could speak Terran if they needed to.

And so, Gwenn began to plot out a secret shopping trip to the nearby town...

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